The Devil's Finest Trick
by The Quiet Place
Summary: Kyouko has come to some unfortunate conclusions about surviving the Magical Girl experience, despite what the others think. But some things even she didn't expect - like Akemi falling from the sky and Kaname disappearing on the same day. Someone's got to put the pieces together, but above all, someone's got to keep it real. [Kyouko & Homura centric] [Post-Rebellion]
1. Run Baby, Run

You know you've made some seriously bad choices when selling your soul to kitty satan and then spending most of your time fighting 10-foot monsters with some nerve and a pointy stick is one of the less fucked up parts of your life.

Yeah. That's me. Sakura Kyouko. Demon-slaying teenage drop-out. And I'm smarter than this.

I'm smarter than getting lured into a dark alley next to the dank, smoky arcade where I kicked the shit out of some handsy but-clearly-quite-popular asshole just a few days before. Being lured by some kid I don't know from Adam who pulls the 'lady someone's hurt' gambit with the big shiny eyes, the whole fallen-down-a-well story updated for the modern age. Yeah. Someone's hurt alright. It's me in like 5 seconds.

I got halfway down the alley when I clocked the meathead blocking the exit and when I whipped round….the asshole was back with a big swollen eye and a few of his friends.

No have-a-go hero is going to see me anyway because I'm squashed to the wall next behind a dumpster being leered at by some big lump with a bike-chain and probably a tiny hard-on and on the other side some short kid with a bumfluff moustache and reptile eyes. The asshole himself is a scrawny little rat with a few scabby-looking piercings, bleach blonde stubble on top and no eyebrows, but he's giving it the big one in front of his buddies.

"You know who I am?"

I say nothing. Just give him the _look_, the one that shrivels most guys' nutsacks. I don't know him. I don't usually run round these parts. Came here on a whim. Came back because I'm an idiot. But I know his type.

"Hey, bitch. I'm talkin' to you."

I shrug. "Some fuckin' creep who corners a girl five to one?"

"Hey, fuck you!" He gets nice and close. One of his eyes is wandering off. The big lump is breathing heavy, the reptile kid just watching, waiting.

I sneer at him, fold my arms. Look like I'm over it. Like it doesn't matter that there's one of me and five of them.

Ignore the pulse pounding in my chest and neck and mind racing.

I can't transform. Obviously. It's an unwritten rule Kyubey would probably write on my gravestone. I don't have the same power as a civilian, nowhere near. I can scrap, I can punch like a heavyweight, jump high, run fast. But I'm still just a 16 year old girl. A lanky one.

He's leering right in my face now. I didn't even see him before he grabbed my ass, then I just turned and whacked him so hard he went smack bang into one of those glass-front crane games. K.O. Stars and little birds. Got barred for my trouble, too. Bastards. But it was stupid. _Impulsive_.

I've been in this kind of situation before and it hasn't always ended well. If I kick off and then take one well aimed crack to the stomach or temple or jaw I could be down. I know because I've been on both ends of that one. And then they can take their time doing whatever the fuck it is they want. Let's not go there.

"You're a stuck-up, frigid bitch." He snarls. Sprays a bit of spit on my face. Nice.

For a moment I have the incredibly stupid idea of calling the others for help.

Like Sayaka doesn't already think I'm a waster.

Like Mami hasn't dealt with enough of my crap already.

And then there's Sleeping Beauty.

_You got yourself into this mess. You're on your own. _

I let myself wobble a bit. Swallow. Unfold my arms. Look around. Suss out the terrain.

"Whatever man." I say. "Look, I get it. My bad." He smirks. This is what he wants.

"That's not gonna cut it, babe. You disrespected me, you know?" Hand on chest. "Hurt me real bad."

The lackeys snigger. I play with my sleeve. Bite my lip.

"So me and my boys here…"

"I'm sorry!" I say. Voice breaking. Raise my hands. He leans in, one hand against the wall by my head, the other touching my waist. He's dumb. Really dumb.

"We're thinking—"

I smash my head down on the bridge of his nose, _spat_, duck, chain whistles over my head, and send a roundhouse kick outside the left knee of the big guy. Asshole's bent over clutching his face. Lump's leg folds. Sciatic nerve running down that side. Not just a pretty face.

_I can do this_.

Then my head gets yanked back. I yelp. The reptile-eyed one yanks my ponytail again, and then I hear a _shnick _noise that sends a jolt of ice straight through my chest.

I elbow backwards – feel it connect – he lets of my hair as I spin round to meet him, and lunges forwards with the knife. There's a burst of fire in my left forearm but then the heel of my hand meets his nose and crumples it with a spray of blood. I shove him and run.

The guy at the end of the alley is waiting for me, hunkers down, arms spread. I hurtle over boxes in my way and see another dumpster coming up. There's running feet behind me, angry yells.

I leap up onto the dumpster and then throw myself forwards, legs on fire. Not sure if I can make it. If I land short I'm fucked.

The ball of my foot lands smack on his forehead and he's out.

I hit the floor, and then book it, as fast as I can, running out into the road in front of a truck I'm like 95% sure is gonna stop, hearing the screeching and swearing behind me, buying some time. I duck through traffic and slip down a quiet street full of shops selling second-hand consoles and cameras and whatever anyone else can steal to sell for a quick buck, and then head left, right, round the back of one of the cafes, scrambling over some cages full of cardboard boxes, up onto an air-con unit and pull myself onto a flat roof where I crouch and catch my breath, grab my hoody off and press the inside to my arm which is pissing blood. Flesh wound. Slice, not stab. Still hurts like a bitch though. Nice big tear in the sleeve too. Bastard. _Bastard._

I can hear them spilling across the road. They come down the main alley but then they keep going, charging off, all bravado, no balls. That's four hurt egos now instead of one. I know they won't go to the cops, no one likes a snitch, but…not good. Gonna have to wait here now.

I lie flat on the concrete and stare up. Arm throbs. Not a big deal. No need to panic. I just won't look at it. I'm a big girl. Just act normal. Like it's a little nick. I've had worse. Though not from another human (_person, for fuck's sake, 'human', like you aren't one_) for a long while.

Just a kid. A kid with a knife. Just got unlucky.

Guess I'm not coming back here after all. Figures. Back to the old. Same dance machine I've been playing on for how long now. At least I won't run into any small-fry g-man wannabes there. None I haven't made my peace with, and that's a few. Might have been why I left, come to think of it. Wanted some excitement.

I can practically hear Sayaka's voice. _If you'd just come to school you'd have something to do all day. _

_Yeah. But I'm not like you and Mami. I'm not gonna come out with a fistful of certificates and land my dream job. Might not even live that long. _

_You're kidding yourselves. _

I pull out the old phone she gave me and look at the time through the cracks. Early. Lunchtime, even. Damn it.

Sayaka told me not to come to school during lunches because the teachers give her the second degree if I get spotted and then piss of again. Don't think they approve of a nice girl like her having a delinquent friend like me. Pretend they care where I am or what I'm doing but half of them think I'm a teen hooker and the other god knows. I'm not, by the way. Hookers get paid. I have to take what I can get.

I've got some change but that's mainly for food and it's nearly all gone.

Could go robbing but I'm still jumpy, adrenaline jangling my nerves like piano wire or something, I think I got that kid's blood on me when I popped his nose – and, oh yeah, not to mention a nice big emo slash in my arm. Sayaka hates it, hates it _hates it_ when I steal. Mami just sighs. She knows me better. Somehow when she's disappointed it's worse.

Ok. I've got enough for cheap, packet crap to eat and a magazine. I'll just wrap my hoodie round my arm. Sort it out later. Guess I just wanna go and sit somewhere awhile. Get myself patched up. Chill. Maybe grab a nap before the real excitement starts.

Plus I think it's my turn according to the rota. Not like I don't go instead of either of them all the time anyway.

I'm gonna play Prince Charming.

* * *

Come to think of it I've got the key most of the time too. I let myself and a shadow sweeps away from my down the middle of the room.

_Tick. Swish_. Still haven't figured how to turn the fucking thing off. I started having dreams about it slicing me in half when I first slept here. Dunno why _she_ felt she had to have a guillotine/pendulum thing in her front room but whatever. Not the weirdest thing about her. Be weirder if the apartment was normal.

I chuck the carrier bag on the couch as I walk past, plod to the kitchen, grab the first aid kit off the fridge. Healing factor will sort it eventually but gonna have to do something. Sayaka could just touch the damn thing and bam, gone, but I don't think 'I walked into a door' is gonna cut it (_heh_).

I don't need to tell her. She'll worry. They'll both worry. It was accident. Could happen to anyone.

_Could it?_

_Whatever. _

I take a big gulp of air, turn on the tap and stick my arm under the water.

"Fuuuuuuck."

Doesn't look so bad after a while. Don't think I'm gonna need stitches, anyway.

Probably.

I sit at the table with its one chair, get out all the bits and bobs. Learned to do this a while back. When I was flying solo.

_They don't need to know. _

The antiseptic stings.

Figure I go a bit lightheaded because I'm hungry. That'll be it.

I grab a plastic-packed sweet roll and tear it open as I clump up the stairs.

There's a nice thick layer of dust on the desk which I've been ignoring for weeks. Shows how long it is since the others were here. I crack the window and as usual, drag the chair round, back facing the bed, straddle it, rip the bread up and start shoving bits in my mouth right-handed.

"Yo." I say. "You'll never guess what happened this morning."

Akemi lies on the bed, stretched out on her back, hands up to her chest, eyes shut.

As it is her hair is the only thing that moves as a nice cool draft comes in. And that weird Gem of hers, bubbles floating from bottom to top over and over like one of those lights with the big globs of oil in. Lava lamps. It's pretty hypnotising.

I check her pulse, check she's breathing, that QB hasn't put a pillow over her face or anything. Same as always. Princess in the glass casket. Only I think Sleeping Beauty pricked herself on a thorn or something feeble like that. Akemi went out in style.

"This asshole. The one who grabbed my ass Tuesday and I smacked him. You remember?"

_No, she doesn't. _

"He got some little brat to come over and say, like," I put on a high-pitched, whiny voice "'oooh, miss, someone's hurt, my friend's hurt, help me'. And can you believe it, I went into this alley and I was like, where's your friend, and the kid's gone and I turn round and that asshole's coming at me with his shitty little gang…"

I close my eyes while I talk. Kind of easier to imagine someone's listening that way.

Don't know why I do this.

But who can I tell? The other two…they've got school. They've got dreams. They pretend they've got some kind of life with a future and a good job and a boyfriend and the picket fence and all that bullshit. Like that's gonna happen. Like all the normals are ready to give us a free pass for life because we're fighting for love and justice or something. Get real. I gave up on all that a long time ago. Just thought when I met these guys that it could be different. Got a bit idealistic. A bit soft. Living a charmed life. Thought I'd changed my mind.

Guess seeing the strongest of you taken out puts things into perspective. That and the fact it's a losing battle. There's more of _them _all the time. They're growing. Call it credit crunch, bad economy, decline of religion, whatever. People are _depressed_. No wonder the wraiths are having a field day out there. A picnic.

"So I just about got out of there, anyway. Guess I can't go back now. It kind of sucks, there were some machines I hadn't been on. Can't believe that kid pulled a knife on me. He got me as well. It's not bad, just bled a bit."

_Well._

"I guess," I say, "It did scare me a bit, but I'm ok now. I probably won't say anything about it. Just make them worry."

I know it's a weird habit. We weren't friends. I mean, we fought together to start with, but that didn't last long. Not with Mami's methods and hers. At the time I kind of agreed. Not fair to go blowing shit up and wrecking the place when normal people have to live there. _Not fair _to risk them with strong attacks if it means victory for sure. _Not fair_ to leave small groups of the wraiths and maybe have one or two casualties in return for us all surviving the big ones and living to take the others out.

_Not fair. Not fair._

"Life isn't fair." I tell her. "You get it. The other two don't yet."

She gave me a gun once.

I always felt like she was taking the piss a little bit, like she knew what you were gonna say already, something too serious about her, but we _talked_. Sometimes about shit the other two didn't want to hear. And she was good at listening. Maybe because she never said much. Well, she's even better at listening now.

I crumple the wrapper in my hand, every crumb picked out.

"See you."

I'm gonna go downstairs, have something to eat, pop some painkillers (not the good stuff, save that for special occasions), read some crappy magazines. God help me but I'm getting kind of into the bullshit stories about cousin's girlfriend's brother's shock secret and wives killing their husbands. I get that it's meant to be a guilty pleasure, but it's kind of not even guilty anymore. Not when you know what people's lives are really like.

I feel a sudden shiver. Not the draft from the window, a shiver like static, a series of zaps._ Power_. Power not like mine. Cold power. Stronger than ever.

I turn, stare hard. Do her eyelids twitch?

But as quick as it came, it goes.

It happens. Kyubey said we'd probably be able to tell when she was gonna wake up. Got all excited the first time. But it keeps happening, then nothing.

I stay and watch for a bit though. Just in case.

Now, Sayaka. Sayaka wants Akemi to wake up. Desperately. Not because she likes her. She wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire. Not that she'd ever say that. She has nice parents. She lives in a nice house and goes to a nice school. She's a nice girl. But she's got this other side, the side I know best. The harder side. The side that gets things done.

Sayaka wants to know about _Madoka_.

I don't think there's anything much more to know about Madoka than I've seen on the side of a milk carton below an old picture of a girl smiling nicely for the camera. Sweet. A little dim. A kid, really.

Kaname Madoka. 14. Missing.

I was sat here, in this room with Mami, watching a broken bag of bones breathe in and out, just, when I got the text. The same night. Gone. Yeah. It's a coincidence. But I don't believe in life having any deep meaning or anything being destined to happen. So for me it's pretty much all a coincidence. Just some are shittier than others.

I'm selfish. I want her to wake up too. Because I don't know how much longer we can go on like this. _That man_, my father. He used to talk about the end of the world. To think, if he was around now, people might actually listen.

I get up and take myself downstairs. Got a little floordrobe over in the corner and I dig another hoody out. Grit my teeth as I pull it on. Bandage a little bulky under my sleeve. It'll pass.

That shiver again. Not usually so close together. Goosebumps on my skin. But I've given up hoping. Whatever happens, happens.

_Wake up. Stay asleep. It's all the same to me. _

I'm tired. I'll eat lunch and sleep here. Akemi won't mind. Then wake up and fight for my life again. Maybe tomorrow will be different. Bit of excitement. Bit more excitement than getting slashed by some scumbag who doesn't know I could turn his head to red bean paste with one move. Something different. Anything.

Sometimes I think about running away.

But not yet.

Not today.


	2. Sunday, Monday, Happy Days

When you're in the fog the wraiths can be 10 foot tall or small enough to gnaw through your shins. They can have anyone's face. I've killed my dad a few times before now. They stopped after they figured I was just taking them down harder.

Cars rush past on the roads above and below, lights dim. We're on spaghetti junction at the entrance to the city (_welcome to Mitakihara, population more crushed hopes and dreams than actual people_), where the motorway is all spiralled up like a curly fry because some urban planner in his glass tower decided to go all fancy and modern and forgot about what roads are actually used for.

This stretch is closed, though. Can just about see the blinking orange lights on the flimsy little barriers, cranes and maintenance platforms stretching up either side in the dark. Lights fizzling in and out. Big stretches of pure black. All we need is some pissed guy at the wheel to fall asleep and we could be a long streak of jam. Probably not though.

Probably.

Me and Sayaka stand back to back. It's my fault we're here. I fell. Planted my spear smack dab in one of their shoulders and it lurched forwards for my left arm, the one with the big slash down it. Like it knew. Like a fucking idiot I flinched instead of dodging. Slapped me round the head instead. Lights out for a second. Fell back, and over the edge I went. A few metres from taking the big plunge. Hit this road instead. Lucky me. Lucky, lucky me.

And of course, Sayaka jumped down after me. Didn't think how we were going to get back up.

So it's time for the new plan. A plan we're all pretending Akemi wouldn't have suggested. So I did, instead.

"You ok?" Sayaka pants.

"Not bad, not bad." I say, grin, try not to look too crazed. _Nothing. Just tripped and fell off a goddamn motorway. That kind of shit could happen to anyone, right? No one saw anything. Nothing suspicious here, ossifer. _

"You ready?"

_I think I've fucked my leg up but….we're not going far. It'll be fine. _"Yeah, I'm ready."

She's so close I could reach round and hold her hand. Maybe at one point I would have done. Still want to.

The long dark road stretches out in front of me, white line weaving from side to side in the mist. It's quiet. Humid. The waiting is the worst bit. Can hear cars and trucks whizzing past in the distance. Horns. Sometimes an _unch unch unch_ of bass from some kid's overpowered speakers. Otherwise it's quiet, except a low hum. Slowly gets louder.

"_Mami?" _

"_I'm here. The wraiths are approaching."_

Her voice sort of vibrates in the fog. She's up top, where I fell from. Quick bullet to the back of the neck of the last ones left up there as they watched us fall, and hopped up on the reverse of a billboard where the muggles wouldn't see her. She doesn't sound happy.

"_Are you ok with this_?" I say.

A sigh.

"_I know how you feel, Mami_, _but there's so many of them….and it's not putting anyone in danger." _Sayaka says.

"_Except us."_ I point out. Sayaka digs her elbow into my ribs. Long pause. She's thinking.

"_I understand. Please be careful."_

"There they are." Sayaka mutters. I see them too.

They start out staggering, bobbing, trailing those white robes, heads blurry as they change and smoke. Even now they scare me. Is that stupid? But I always did have a healthy fear of ghosts and shit like that. Maybe it was all the cosy bedtime stories about 7-winged angels and 9 headed snakes and spirits and the end of the world. Everything going up in a spray of lava and trumpets. Except us, of course. Maybe. If we were good. If we were worthy.

Until I became….this.

I start to hear _them_, that hum turning into groaning, shrieking.

We're literally pressed together now. Sayaka's back is damp. We're both sweating. I let my left arm drop back, brush the hem of her skirt. It _hurts_. Fuck. Healing factor not as good when you get hurt as a civilian. _No. Push through._

"Wait," she mutters, "wait."

The first heavy_ booms_ of thunder come and with a whizz and a crack the wraiths start going down. There's more, though. There's always more. They're making progress. About 10 metres from us now on my side. Less. _Whiz. Crack_. I'm breathing in and out of my nose. Smell of gunpowder. Exhausts. Sayaka's stiff as a board against me. Got to wait. Wait.

"Tell me when." I say. My eyes are tracing a path from the nearest maintenance platform, onto the cockpit of the crane, up the length of it, jump up to the next one, keep running, keep going higher. Parkour for the suicidal.

5 metres.

Am I going to be able to make it?

We'll see.

_Whiz. Crack_.

They're filling up the whole damn road. Stream of bobbing heads. Pixels pouring out of where eyes should be. At least five in a row at the front. Human-sized. Bigger. Suddenly a tremor goes through them. They're gonna rush us. I know it.

"Now?" I yell. Voice breaks a little bit.

"Wait!"

"What if they—"

Sayaka's hand brushes against mine.

I wait.

_Stay cool, stay cool, stay cool_

They hurl themselves forwards and their claws are coming out, wicked sharp, slash your throat, tear your face off –

"Now!" Sayaka screams.

I throw my palms forward and the barrier erupts upwards with a bone-rattling _clang, _just as the wraiths smash against it. Already it's pressing down on me. Feels kinda like carrying a hundred extra pounds. Soul Gem gleaming like crazy. And the _noise_—

I shut my eyes. Think about the barrier. Not about their bare skulled-faces and them trying to batter it down. Standing on top of each other. Zombie hordes. I can tell Sayaka's scared. Trapped. Can't do anything but watch.

"_Mami—" _I call out.

"_Get ready! 3,"_

Barrier creaking. Or that might be my bones.

"_2"_

Got to do this. Hang on. Don't think about dying. _Don't think about dying don't think about dying don't think about_

"1!"

"TIRO FINALE!"

I wrench the barrier down and lash out. Slash a row of throats. Sayaka screeches. Not even words. Sword sweeping with a _sshhnnng_.

Yellow light.

I pull Sayaka away. Got to get to the side of the road.

The wraiths look up and scream.

We reach the barrier. Claws rake down my back.

Long high whistle as the fireball comes down.

I leap.

Impact. Road cracks apart behind me. Ears ringing. Can't hear anything.

Maintenance platform rushing up. But not close enough.

Not gonna make it.

Sometimes when you think you're going to die, time slows down. And you see the lip of the platform rising up, because you're dropping and you throw your arms up but it's not gonna be enough, because your leg didn't fix itself after all. There has to be something else somewhere else to land, but no, it's the dead space in the middle of the carousel, the big black hole, this lip is your last chance and you blew it, too far now, arc ended, it's just the big fall. And you're looking up as it speeds away arms still stretched out, flailing, Sayaka's face, she's howling something, maybe your name. This could be it, game over, and will they put your picture in the paper, will they remember you? Do the staff at the group home know who you are now, the one who got away, and what will your friends do? Will they keep going, or will they fall back, is Akemi gonna wake up, and was it worth it, all this? Did you do all you wanted to do, did you win, or did you lose, and will it hurt—

I just scream but I can't even hear myself because of the wind rushing in my ears.

The motorway is crumbling above me and chunks of concrete shoot past.

And then

down

come

the ribbons.

* * *

It's all a bit of a blur still.

We get a taxi for once. Pretty sure the other two pretended I was drunk. Yeah, I feel pretty buzzed, to be honest. Sort of like everything's going a bit too fast. Wobbly legs. Leaning on Sayaka's shoulder in the back. She'd grabbed me when Mami hauled me back up and wouldn't let me go until the car got there. I'd….just stood. Let her heal me. Then I let her snot and sob into my shoulder and pretended not to hear.

Mami's giving it a bit of chatter in the front. Making light. _Yes, she's our friend. We worry about her, but it's alright….she's a good girl….yes, I suppose she will have a headache tomorrow. _Laugh along. Nothing to see here. Just two sweet young private-school girls and their silly friend. Everyone's done it. Even nice Mr Taxi-Man with his very interested eyes in the rear-view mirror.

In some part of my head I'm still falling. Manage not to puke though. Strong stomach. I'd have to have, really. Guess I even hate to waste food after I've eaten it. Just loll about in my seat. _It's fine. She caught me. It's fine. I'm alive. Just another night. One less mistake to make next time. _

Sayaka, staring out the window, looks…..upset. I shut my eyes. Just for a little bit.

And jolt awake to the passenger door opening.

Mami gives a pretty generous tip and probably tips him a wink too. _Just between us teenage girls and late night taxi drivers_.

Sayaka says something cheery, rolls her eyes at me when she thinks I won't see. I mutter something at him. We go up to Mami's in a tin-can-pretending-to-be-an-elevator you normally couldn't pay me a year's worth of coupons to get in. Everyone's dog tired. Stagger through the door. Good result, pockets bulging with the devil dice. Keep us apple-cheeked and chipper a bit longer. Happy days.

Happy days.

We get sat round Mami's little glass table for a debrief. Even though it's the middle of the night and Sayaka actually has a bed to get to, rather than a series of couches. This is an Akemi-ism. Another one. That and things like 'planning', 'tactics', and 'blowing shit up'. Takes a while for anyone to talk, though. Drained. I'm coming round. Or telling myself that.

"Jesuuuuuusss." I say.

"Can say that again." Sayaka mutters. I think of doing just that but now probably isn't the time.

Mami manages to paste on a smile. "Well, we're all still here."

"That was too close." Says Sayaka.

"We got 'em all though." I point out.

"You nearly died."

I shrug. _Don't think about falling. It's fine._ "I didn't, though. So it's ok."

Her fist comes down on the table, rattles the cups. Me and Mami jump.

"It's not okay, Kyouko….!"

"Sayaka," Says Mami. Gentle but firm voice. Senpai mode engage. Objective: unify kouhai in peace and love.

Sayaka lets out a big long breath and her shoulders drop. "I'm sorry. It's just…."

"Hey. The plan _worked_. Guess I just hurt my leg and didn't realise." _Bullshit. I knew_. "It was kinda intense down there. Shit happens. We got the wraiths and we're all still here thanks to Mami. Maybe we just gotta be more careful next time."

Mami's eyes latch onto me holding the sleeve of my left arm. You might not know it, but behind those sleepy eyes and enormous jugs, she's sharp. Smart. Makes sense. She's like me in that way. No parents. Get round the system, pay your own bills. Do things your own way.

I stare her out. _Don't say anything, for fuck's sake._

But then, Mami can even be ruthless.

"Kyouko, earlier, before you fell…for the first time, I mean…"

Sayaka's head whips round.

_Thanks. Thanks a lot._

"….it seemed like your arm was hurt?"

It's said like one, but it's not a question. I flinched. I never flinch. She knows it. I know that she knows that I know that…you get the picture.

"Did it?" Oh, _shit. I'm a way better liar than this. I'm tired. _

"Yeah. Mami, you're right." Sayaka frowns at me, gives me the_ sincere_ look. Don't think so many people have seen that. It's some kind of thing. Not the happy-go-lucky Sayaka. Not the everyday, _oh it's fine, he's happy, Hitomi's happy, where's the harm_? Not the, _I got grounded again, I guess sensei said something to my mom. Guess I'll be sneaking out the window again!_ Subtitles: _I have something to lose, and I'm losing it, but this is important. So I'll put that aside. Smile nicely for the camera._

The harder one. Life-or-death. The big boy league. The one that's only really been around since Pinkie upped and disappeared. Bubble burst. Things lost. The side I know well. Of course, I recognise that look. Seen it in the mirror enough times.

"Let me see your arm."

"It's fine." _That is literally the worst thing you could have said. _I shrug. "It's just a scrape."

She turns, leans in, hands on the ground, head tilted up. Long soft neck. Does she do this on purpose?

Do I kind of wish she did it on purpose?

"Kyouko."

This is not an argument I'm going to win so I grunt and roll my sleeve up. Bandage looks like a kid put it on and I bat her hand away, tear it off. Of course the wound is gone, like the nice big slashes in my back and everything else that was bruised and bust up, solved with a quick blast of her healing touch, but there's a scar. A long, ugly scar. And not a just-a-scrape scar.

"How…"

"I got into a little fight."

"With _what_?"

Mami's just sat there with her hands folded in her lap. Might as well be saying _you got yourself in this situation, you get yourself out of it. _

"Some teenage dickheads."

"They _cut _you?"

The way she looks at me makes my heart drop. Maybe it's the big baby blues. Little red round the edges. Makes me wanna hug her, but I know she's pissed off, too. I suppose if someone had slashed her I'd rip their dick off.

"Yeah…it's fine though, I sorted 'em out." I mime punching, crack my knuckles.

"That is _not_ fine! What if they'd stabbed you? I can't believe you didn't _tell_ me!" She looks over at Mami for help. Mami nods.

_I'm too tired for this_. "Guys. I get it. But maybe this ain't the time. We can talk about it tomorrow….later today. We're all still here, in one piece. Yeah?"

Mami nods. Reluctantly. Must be hard sitting on that damn fence all the time.

Sayaka shakes her head at me. Turns away. Can almost hear how she thinks. _Miki Sayaka_, _tough, competent magical girl, defender of justice, will not cry over something silly like being exhausted, like totally and utterly at the limit, just adrenaline, something small like seeing her friend plunge to her death, just about, and then, after all that, one more tiny little thing, finding out that this so-called friend, someone she trusts, is meant to trust her, got hurt today, got _knifed_, and didn't even bother to tell her. _

_Fuck. _

"Fine. I'm gonna head home." She says.

"Are you okay going back? Would you like me to come?"

"It's ok, Mami." She gets to her feet. Looks down at me. "We_ are_ going to talk about this."

"I know."

"I just—" She takes a deep breath, bites her lip. "I'm glad you're ok."

"Yeah, me too."

Mami gets up too, comes round, hand on Sayaka's shoulder. Some gentle nothing in her ear as she steers her away. I rest my forehead on the cool glass and listen for the door shutting.

Click.

Mami comes back in, squats, puts her arms around me.

If I didn't have a reputation and all that I'd say a lump came into my throat.

After a minute she sighs and says, "I'll get your blanket."

"Thanks."

I have a pile in the living room and go through that for something to sleep in although what I really want to do it just conk out on the sofa in full uniform and slobber all over Mami's nice cushions. She comes in when I'm halfway changing but doesn't look.

Probably.

I'm not gonna say I've never sneaked a peek myself. I'm not sure the others know I'm…..whatever. That way inclined. If that's what I am. Not that it matters.

She leans over the back of the sofa.

"What a day."

"Mm."

"They're getting worse."

"Yeah."

"I don't suppose Akemi….."

"Still the same."

"I'm sorry I haven't visited much recently."

_What you saying sorry to me for?_ I shrug. "Don't think she's too bothered. Not like I have much better to do most days."

"I suppose not." Wry smile from Mami. Or that could just be her trying not to yawn.

I drag myself up and plop down onto the couch, hands behind my head, look up at her.

"Thanks. For saving me."

Proper smile this time. "Don't mention it. I'm sure you'll return the favour."

"Yep." My eyelids weigh a ton all of a sudden. Two Mamis looking down at me. Wouldn't be so bad. Wouldn't mind at all.

"Night, Kyouko."

"Night," I say, or try to. Comes out a junkie slur.

There's a click as she switches the light off, then pads upstairs. Dark, wonderful dark. It's so good to be warm. To be on a nice soft couch. To have a blanket. Not to have hunger gnawing my guts out. Not to be listening for the next scream. So good to be_ alive_. For one more day, anyway.

Happy days.

Happy, happy days.

There's a little shiver just as I drop off. Goosebumps. _Probably just a draft._

_A cold, purple draft. _

* * *

**AN:** Here we are. Wherever here is. I got some reviews! (Have always wanted to do this. Stay cool, stay cool. Use loads of brackets, brackets are good).

Guest 1: I completely agree it's nice to see good stories. (Is this one of them? It would be nice if it was.)

Guest 2: Well, I'm glad you like my writing style. Who knows what's going to happen with pairings. (Me…..sort of.) Maybe they'll end up in an earth-shattering yuri foursome and save the world with the power of angst and lesbianism. (I wish I could pull that shit off. You can have that idea for free).

Anyhow. Hope you enjoyed. You. Specifically. The one at the computer. Finger hovering hesitantly over the review button. Click it. Tell me about your breakfast. (I had marmite on toast).


	3. Doublethink

Say you asked her about that day, about 6 months ago. The _accident_. The _incident_, perhaps. Mami would probably look up from her tea and say, _it was a dark and stormy night_, smile and not smile.

No one would call Mami imaginative. She was clever, practical. Not given to agonising over things. She definitely had values – they were just values that didn't need thinking about. Right. Wrong. Duty.

(The blonde teenager, crisp and neat in her private school uniform, with a fondness for cake, mothering and chintzy furnishings, understood _pull the trigger, there's a good soldier_, better than many grown men.)

There was always that question. _What if things were different_? _What if you can't have a real life, real job, real boyfriend, real future? What if one you three (four, she hated this cold part of her, Akemi was a person too, even if, even if) dies? _

And she would always tell herself, _stop imagining things that haven't (wont', didn't) happen. No what ifs. _

So. Dark. Stormy. And if people thought it was cliché, trite, that they didn't believe in fairytales, love and justice and happy-ever-afters….well, that's what they would think. Sometimes people thought she was naïve. Blinkered. Unimaginative.

Mami was only naïve if you didn't realise there was a deeper trick.

* * *

It was mid-autumn, unseasonably warm, 6 months before Mami might look up from her tea and say something unimaginative like _it was dark and stormy, once upon a time, _to hide the many, many hours she'd spent imagining things about that night, how things could be different, what really happened.

They huddled under the bus shelter, silent at 1am, watery light washing over them from the building above, the blue of the sirens whizzing past, flashing her hair green and Kyouko's purple, on off, on off. Rain was sheeting down, rattling fingers on the roof above them. The shelter was on the edge of the Northern Quarter, where the steel and glass fractured into bars and late-night diners but before the warehouses and train depot and industrial estates began, high buildings jumbled with the low, patches of dark and neon and soft red lights, and the wraiths had come to prey on the souls of the drunk and exhausted.

They'd escaped before the fog had cleared, de-transformed, but Mami hadn't been much less conspicuous in her uniform. She dreaded to think what she would say if the police had stopped her here, asked to speak to her parents. Kyouko was in her usually slouchy shorts-and-baggy-hoodie outfit, a kind of uniform in itself, and had slunk away like a stray. But they had to stop somewhere. Mami was already shivering, hands in her lap. Kyouko just sat with her legs apart, arm draped over the back of the bench, head tipped back, faint trace of an Adam's apple in her long neck.

It was just the two of them. They'd practically strong-armed Sayaka into staying at home. _You don't look well, Sayaka. Perhaps you should rest for tonight? _Kyouko had put on a little bit of bravado. Gave her the extra nudge. Mami had seen that. She'd seen a lot of other little things. She worried about Sayaka.

But the thing worrying her the most at the moment was the sirens.

"Do you think we did too much damage?" Mami said.

She had rained down a hail of hot lead and the wraiths had cowered and died beneath it, but the bullets had cracked paving stones, ricocheted into windows and….well, generally made a big, big mess.

The other girl shrugged. "It's, uh, collateral."

"_Kyouko_."

"Hey. Things would've been worse if we weren't there."

"I know, but…"

"The hell else were you gonna do? Get cut up by those things?"

"Of course not."

"There was only two of us. There were a lot of them. We took them out. Not like you meant to smash shit up."

Kyouko gave her a long sideways look, sucked her teeth, then spoke in a low voice, as if there was someone around to overhear.

"You didn't mean to. It happens, Mami."

"I suppose."

"C'mon. Even if you turned yourself in they wouldn't believe you." She put on a high-pitched voice, held her hands up. "Excuse me, officer, I'm afraid that I may have caused some structural damage to Jigglers' Gentlemen's Club using my magic powers…."

Mami smiled, despite herself. But she did feel bad. The police had been called out and would no doubt spend a lot of time trying to find out what had caused the damage. It would need to be repaired. And the shopfronts…well, she supposed they had insurance. (She hoped they had insurance).

Still.

It was necc—no.

_I did what was necessary_, Akemi had said.

Mami brushed the thought away. This wasn't the same thing. They weren't alike. She'd made that clear. She could remember that conversation very easily. She'd spent so much time re-enacting it in her head.

* * *

_Mami in front, the other two hanging back. Akemi with her bow loose in her hands, black and white wings primed high on her shoulders, turning away._

_Mami was angry. It helped. She was angry because of the terror and the dust and the fall and because she'd seen the tower block collapse, huge rolls of dust and smoke racing down and then the whole building tilting to the side and sinking and what if someone had crept through the yellow tape and barriers and had woken from their sleep to—_

_She was angry because it had come to this and she didn't want to be the one, that was the truth._

_Because Sayaka couldn't keep herself in check and it could so easily all dissolve into something terrible, even though Sayaka was so kind, so good, Akemi so calm, so cold, but there was something there, something Mami didn't understand, but she knew was terribly dangerous. _

_Because even back then Kyouko was standing to one side, starting to look around, and although she agreed that it was too much – that it wasn't fair, wasn't right – she was watching Akemi, all the same. _

_It had to be her. The one who wanted them all to fight together. Ironic. _

_Akemi had stayed as long as it took to figure out the wheres and whats – you stay there and we'll stay here – and as soon as the last word was half out of Mami's mouth she'd jetted off into the night, skyrocketed, up and up and up until she was beyond them all and Sayaka let out a huge sigh and Kyouko said nothing, nothing, and kicked at the ground._

* * *

Mami shook her head, and filed the memories away for later. She was good at that. She took stock. Yes, it was unfortunate the miasma had appeared where it was. It was true, if they hadn't been there, it could have been very dangerous. In future, she would restrain herself.

Kyouko's voice broke the silence.

"I don't think I'd have got too far on my own in Kazamino."

"No." Agreed Mami. "I'm glad you changed your mind."

"Yeah. Me too."

She looked over and managed to catch Kyouko's eye, smiled.

The girl smiled back, a crabbed smile, and then turned the other way, embarrassed.

"Where's that damn cat?" She muttered.

'_I have something to discuss with you'_, he had said. Mami had just put a musketball in a wraith's face. Kyouko had told him….well, she'd told him they were busy. (She hadn't said that, exactly).

Now she came to think about it, Kyubey had sounded—

A wave of cold went through Mami like a knife. She sat bolt upright.

Kyouko stopped picking at her bitten nails, looked out into the rain and up over the block they'd came from.

"…didn't leave any, did we?"

"No."

That was a huge burst of power, and nearby.

_Akemi._

This wasn't her area. She would never, never come for their leftovers. And she had to be able to sense them, just as they could sense her.

_So, what is she doing here? Our agreement-_

_Don't jump to conclusions. _

And then, unbidden_, what would you do? What could you do?_

"_Hey, Akemi?"_ Kyouko said, or rather, thought. Nothing. Ignoring them. That wasn't unusual, but Kyouko seemed put out by it, which was. Then again, Mami thought, Kyouko did have a quick temper. That was probably it.

"_Kyubey?"_ Mami said instead.

"_I'm close by. I'll be there soon."_

He was being coy, if it was possible for the constantly smiling, catlike creature to be coy. Mami supposed he was looking to avoid being overheard and being the target of another volley of bullets or arrows. She plucked her sodden skirt away from her thighs. Beside her Kyouko was rummaging for something in her pocket, pulled out a gumball and popped it in her mouth.

Another flare, purple in her mind's eye.

Should they talk again, Mami wondered. One more try. Although the last one….

_Dancingdolls_

_andtomatoes_

_anddevilgirls_

…it was funny, she kept forgetting exactly what happened.

The thought slipped from her mind.

Just as it did, Kyubey's voice rang loudly in their heads.

"_I have detected a change—"_

And that was when the glass panes of the bus-shelter shattered behind them.

* * *

Mami was shoved against the back of her seat as the wind blasted rain into her face. The sudden blow knocked all the breath out of her. Car alarms started blaring. Voices shouting all at once. And then her Soul Gem started to shudder, rattle in its case, metal squeaking—

(in the second that it happened Mami felt, very strongly, that something had turned its eye towards her, and she was being bowed by its gaze)

-but as soon as it came the pressure stopped. A shockwave. An earthquake? No. Not natural. Her Gem had reacted to it.

Then Kyouko grabbed her arm, pointed over the buildings in front of them.

A single falling figure, little purple sparks – feathers – splintering away.

"Akemi!" Kyouko yelled, springing from her seat, then called out over their link, "_Akemi!_"

A whisper in reply, barely audible, but the brief spark of energy hers.

_No, no, no_, thought Mami, and then, quiet even in her head, _damn, damn,_ _shit._

They both leapt forward, across the road – never mind the rain, never mind the police, never mind the bus shelter – down the alley they'd come from originally, and Mami threw out a web of ribbons, transforming in a burst of light, ran almost straight up the side of the building, Kyouko launching the spearhead and chain to the roof, hopping and jumping from aircon to window-ledge to fire escape.

The feathers drifted down in a tall stream, lit up like a flare, and they rushed from roof to roof towards it.

"What the fuck," snarled Kyouko, "is happening?"

Mami didn't chide her. "I have no idea. It didn't feel like a wraith, or a Magical Girl…"

"So what, then?"

Mami shook her head. The overhead train tracks intersected their path, then curved sharply round.

"Up." Mami said.

Kyouko nodded. They reached the lip of the roof they were on and Mami shot out a path of criss-crossed ribbons for them both. They ran along it onto the tracks, Kyouko's head twisting to check behind them, Mami just jerking the ribbons up and carrying straight on, heart heavy. This was looking worse by the minute.

The rounded the bend and the feathers were falling in a stream straight ahead of them.

"Old depot." She said, between breaths.

"_Akemi?"_ Kyouko called out again. "Akemi!"

Mami felt a tiny ripple, but it could be something or nothing. Her mind was racing.

_What happened? What could have done this? Is it a trap?_

"_Sayaka, we have a problem!"_ Mami yelled out.

There was a response, but a very faint one. She couldn't make out what the other girl was saying. Too far away.

"_Kyu—" _Said Kyouko.

"_I'll alert her."_

Kyouko spoke to Mami. "What could take Akemi out? Did you _feel _it? Even where we were…"

"I did. We need to be prepared. For _whatever_ we find."

The implication lay heavy between them.

Kyouko scowled, and sped up.

After a minute the old depot sprawled out before them, lines splitting out into a maze of unlit platforms, looming boxcars, empty shipping containers. Even during the day it was mostly used for cargo trains – at this time it was all but deserted.

They slowed.

Kyouko materialised her Soul Gem and held it out before them, panning round. It began to pulse.

"There!" She called out.

She ran over to a fenced off area and slashed the chain-link almost off its poles, ducking through. Mami followed, emerged into a dimly lit yard, rusty tracks and stacks of planks against the opposite wall of shipping containers.

"_I'm coming,"_ Came Sayaka's voice, clear now but still some distance away.

Neither of them responded.

Mami stopped, froze, felt her stomach churn and roll. Kyouko's spear hung loosely from her hand. She walked over to the motionless figure sprawled out on the cracked concrete and dropped to her knees.

Akemi was stretched out on her back, wings outspread. One of her legs was bent at an unnatural angle. Hair had fallen over her face but her mouth was slightly open.

The rain seemed obscenely loud.

Kyouko held up her Soul Gem and in the light Mami could see that there was a hole

\- an enormous hole –

\- in her chest.

Even with the rain hammering down, there was so much _blood_.

She rushed over, almost shoved the other girl aside, held out her Soul Gem. She had an idea, a ridiculous idea but she had to do something and _now_. She took a deep breath. Gathered her power.

Little ribbons shot out, embedded themselves into the girl's skin (another wave of nausea, she forced it back, started to feel herself go numb), threaded through, and Mami pulled, pulled and felt the wet creaking squelch as the sides of the wound started to come together.

Kyouko made a sound of disgust, scrambled up.

"I'll find Sayaka."

She ran back through the fence, slipping as she went. Mami concentrated, forcing power down through the ribbons, redirecting healing from herself to the other girl, starting to feel lightheaded, her body aching.

As she did, she felt a little tremor come up the ribbons into her Gem. Energy. Akemi was alive. But ebbing away. She couldn't fix this. She could only try and keep her from dying until Sayaka got there. But it she couldn't do it for long. Maybe a minute. Maybe two. She screwed her eyes shut.

_You really want her to live, don't you?_

The thought took her off guard.

_Of course I do._

_Even after…?_

_She's a person, _Mami answered herself. _I don't agree with her, I'm a little scared of her, but she's a person. _

She shook her head. _Concentrate._

_Heal. Heal. Heal._

* * *

Sayaka took one look at Akemi and retched, but recovered quickly, crouched by her side and pulled out her Soul Gem, blue light travelling down her arm into Akemi's chest, falling into a trance almost, breathing deeply, not aware of the rain plastering her clothes to her body, the low distant rumble, static in the air, thunder growing in the huge black clouds above them.

Mami took the Grief Cubes from Kyouko with a nod, pressed them to her Soul Gem, threaded with dark orange, and restored it to gold, and kept her grip on the ribbons. Kyouko stood, and stared around, eyes alighting on something.

"Hey, Kyubey." She said, and then jumped. "Ugh."

"What is it?" Mami murmured.

"Kyubey's—"

Mami turned her head and the creature was on his side, twitching, eyes empty.

A current ran back into her hand with sharp shock. The ribbons dropped from her hand. Mami turned back round and Sayaka's eyes widen, colour draining from her face.

"M-M-M-M….."

Akemi's eyes were screwed shut, but her voice came, a burnt up rasp through teeth clenched so tight they could crack—

"MA….MA …"

"Ake—Homura!" Mami said. "Can you hear me?"

Her eyelids started to flutter. Mami felt something brush against her knees and saw the girl's hand, and in it her Soul Gem, a smoking orb brimming with black shadows. She almost cried out in alarm, but then something happened.

A single ray of light, only the width of a thread, pierced through to the surface.

"MAD…."

Akemi's back started to arch, tendons in her neck standing out, taut as wire. She clutched at her chest.

"Akemi! S-stay still!" Sayaka yelled.

Another ray, pale, lighter than purple, and another, and another, striking the glass, cutting through the darkness.

"MAD….MAD…."

Mami came to her senses, tore a Grief Cube from her pocket and pressed it to the Gem, shadows shrinking back, and took the girl's hand in both of hers.

"What are you saying?"

"DON'T….."

"Aah!"

Sayaka jerked her arm back as if she'd been burnt.

And then came the sound. Cracking, creaking, wet flesh— Mami turned away, saw Kyouko with her spear pointed at Akemi, a look of pure revulsion and horror on her face, Sayaka rooted to the spot. It seemed to go on forever, almost until Mami could hear the screeching of metal, smell the smoke, pain dulled to nothing, mom and dad silent in the front where the seats used to be, but she mustn't go to sleep, because the voice, the voice was calling to her, and she saw its face through the car window above her, made the deal, and heard that same sound as her bones knitted back together and she was alive, still alive.

"It's…..closing." Sayaka whispered.

The Soul Gem got hotter and hotter until it was almost scorching Mami's hands, but she didn't let go.

She didn't think any Magical Girl was capable of this.

_What did she _wish _for?_

Akemi let out a long, ragged sigh (or was it a whisper, a word too quiet to hear?) and fell limp against the ground.

And then there was silence, except from Mami's heartbeat in her ears and the heavy pitter-patter of the rain.

Akemi's transformation began to fade, until she was just a girl in school uniform, breathing deeply, a small patch of red blossoming on her chest.

They were 3 teenagers staring at a blood-soaked body in the long shadows of a train graveyard.

"A-Akemi? Homura?" Mami said, touching her shoulder. Nothing. But her Soul Gem was there, still intact, still purple, and there was a pulse, a delicate pulse, beating softly against her fingers.

She still felt numb. Like it wasn't real. It seemed impossible. It had been a normal night. No sign. Just all the glass smashing behind them then a mad rush and then_ this._

_Swish, swish._

She looked round and Kyubey's little pink eyes bored into her. Mami found her voice.

"We should get out of here. We can take Ak—Homura to her house. It's the closest."

The first bolt of lightning came down in the distance.

They sat with her that night, bandaged, stretched out on the bed in a room almost painfully bare, breathing, heart beating, temperature normal, Soul Gem clear, and showing absolutely no sign of consciousness.

It was later that morning they got the message, two agonised words on a bright screen.

"Madoka's missing."

And in the dark and the quiet, before she fell asleep without meaning to, Kyouko snoring already, Mami began asking herself that deadly question, the one she was always fighting so long, so hard not to answer, because imagining things was bad and she, Mami, was really, at the end of it all an imaginative girl.

_What if._

* * *

**AN:** Ok. Struggled with this one (can you tell?). But I'm just going to post it because otherwise the bloody thing will sit on my harddrive til kingdom come. I'll revise it…at some point. Next chapter en route.

More reviews! Woo! Although reading them I was like 'some of these are better written than the actual fic, fuck'. lol

Azecrath – thanks for 2 (2!) reviews. Liking the theories too, they made me sit back and think. Glad you think first person is going ok. I'll be mainly sticking with that with a few diversions. High five for you.

Yobbin – Thanks for the encouragement and feedback pal! Glad you're enjoying. (I will do my best not to fuck it up, lol). Vegemite is also totally acceptable. I've been craving yeast-based-spread and cheese on toast recently. I feel it's going to be a fruitful combination.


	4. She Sells Sanctuary

The bell goes off in my ear and the whole stack of toast drops out my hand onto the ground as I jerk awake and try and remember where I am and why I'm sleeping outside again, flat on my back on a concrete bench, glassy blue sky above me and iron railings all round.

Roof. Which roof?

Voices below me. Pitter pattering feet. The bell. Everything's very _clean_.

Oh yeah.

I groan. So guess who, which genius, thought _hey, instead of just going back to sleep like any normal homeless wraith-killing magical girl after a shitty night of not-exactly-hard-to-interpret dreams about falling, guess what? I'm gonna drag my ass off this warm, cosy couch and walk, in the cold, all the way to my shitty over-priced holding pen of a school so I can busted by some know-nothing teacher and yelled at by my best friend._

Yeah.

At least I managed to beg some scraps off the nice lady on the breakfast bar who knows a hard luck case when she sees one. Stood in line with the rest of the kids there early doors so no one can see them hand the meal tickets over. Tried my best to look underfed and sorry for myself. It wasn't hard.

If I book it I can get to class on time. I scoop up the toast, 10 second rule, whatever, but stay horizontal for a bit. Get my bearings. Run through this stupid argument again in my head so I don't just haul ass out of here.

We didn't talk yesterday, me and Sayaka. Vegged out on the sofa and watched the TV reports about that mysterious explosion on the highway. Everyone trying really hard not to say _that word_, the one that begins with _b_ and ends with an _omb_. Some bullshit about a pipeline or a tanker going ass over tea kettle. Kaboom. Real convincing. Mami tells me it's the same across the country. She found some kind of message board, sneaky little web of people probing and trying to find each other. Teenage girls blowing shit up country-wide. Complete fucking headache for Kyubey and his buddies but guess that's the cost of a good soul nowadays. But yeah. We didn't talk. Not a solitary text. And I think it's because she's angry.

I don't really want to talk to Sayaka about what happened – I really, really, don't want to say to her, _hey, sorry I didn't tell you I got cornered by five guys, and oh, by the way, I got cut, this guy had a knife and he went for me, but it's no big deal, guess I could've got stabbed, guess I was scared, got myself into a really bad situation, but you know what, I didn't think it was worth telling my best friend about. _

But then, I also don't wanna be waiting around with it dangling over my head. At least I can try and have it out with her while Mami isn't around to play a marriage counsellor, head bobbing one of those stupid dogs people put in their stupid cars, making sure we don't lash out or say anything too near the knuckle, too _real_.

And….I guess some part of me figures she deserves to know.

I peel myself off the bench, stretch, knock my bag over and spill crumbs and books and shit, cram it all back in with the toast, try and brush my hair with my fingers but probably just make it worse. Uniform's been stuffed in a backpack in Mami's house since the last time I bothered to show up here (was that a week ago? Two?) so it's not what I'd call fresh and I'm wearing sneakers (the ones without the toe hole though, gotta have some standards). Whatever. _I'm _clean. Or maybe I was just trying to drown myself in the shower for convincing myself this is a good idea.

At least I can make a nice big entrance now I'm late_ and_ look like seven shades of shit warmed up.

Ok. Let's do this.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late."

Miss Saotome just stops dead, right in the middle of giving (what's his name? brown hair? Medium build? A nose? A face?) _some kid_ a lecture, everyone has eyes on stalks, so while she does the flappy-jaw dead-fish impression I nip over to my seat, lean back, pretend I can't hear _Sakura, Sakura_ getting whispered behind people's hands, look over at Sayaka and tip her the wink, which makes her blush, toss her head and look away, the whole _I'm not with her _pantomime, but I don't think she's mad.

Saotome doesn't give me grief right away.

"Miss Sakura. Nice of you to join us." Pretty sure she didn't meant it like some of them mean it, usually the _I-hate-my-job-but-the-bitch-wife-won't-let-me-quit brigade_, but some of the kids laugh. She clears her throat and they stop.

"Why are you late?"

My brain says, _I missed the bus_, _alarm didn't go off, saw a traffic accident, clock was slow. _

My mouth says, "I fell asleep on the roof."

_Shit_.

I add, "Sorry," so I don't sound like I'm completely taking the piss.

No laughing this time. We lock eyes. I'm praying, _leave it, leave it_, because I feel like if she yells I'll just walk out. Everyone's waiting. They want a scene, something to do the rounds, bit of currency, bit of importance from an eyewitness account. They resent me. I can feel it. Guess their rents are shelling out big time but the government pays the bills for poor little orphan Kyouko. Maybe Teach can feel it too. She could do it easy, make a dig then be the bigger person. Get a bit of respect. Score some points. And haven't I been on the end of that one before.

But she just…sighs.

"I see. I'd like to speak to you after school today, Miss Sakura. Please try to be….please try to get to class on time in the future."

I nod. She's got to make a show of things, just like I have.

"Well. As I was saying before…."

I let my shoulders slump and glare at the kid next to me looking at me like I'm an urban legend or something. Just got to get through the morning. I'm tempted to start munching toast in here but I'm not gonna push it.

Sometimes I feel kind of bad for Miss Saotome. She's ok. I think she even _cares_.

"_You showed up."_

Sayaka's not looking at me but she gets this super-fixed expression like the bottom-left-hand-corner of the whiteboard holds the key to life or something when she talks over the link.

Here we go_. "Yeah, don't remind me."_

"_I can't believe you said you fell asleep." _

"_I did, though."_

"_But you didn't have to _say_ that!"_

"_I wasn't gonna, it just kind of….came out."_

"_Did you see everyone's faces?"_

"_Whatever, I bet half of them were thinking 'who is she, she doesn't even go here'."_

"_Yeah, probably."_

Sayaka's trying not to smile. I try not to get caught looking because seeing her smile is making me smile too. Don't want people to get stupid ideas.

_Why are they gonna get stupid ideas, Kyouko? Like what? Who's going to think something like that about you two? _

_Apart from you._

I push it away because it's pissing me off. Get these thoughts sometimes. Doesn't mean anything. I'm not gonna spend time worrying about it. Like her touching my hand that moment before the wraiths jumped on us the other night. Not a big deal. Heat of the moment. Trying to stop me popping off too early. Meaningless. Not that I thought it meant anything.

_Of course not. _

Coming to class seems to have polished. Sayaka's not mad, anyway. Miss Saotome's yammering on about something I should probably care about. A few nods, kid in front of me has his head on his arms, catching some zeds. Feels ok. But not _real_, exactly. Still. It's not terrible. Just….normal.

Could today just be a normal day?

A day where I go to school, don't sleep til noon, don't go walking the streets, scrubbing for change, robbing, a day where I don't go down the arcade, I don't punch someone who touched me (when was the last time someone touched me like that, _no, fuck, nevermind_), don't get cut, don't run for my life, but instead sit in _my _place, _my_ desk, and actually try and think about learning something, exams, _ding ding ding_, run along after the bell like all the other kids, round two tomorrow, head all fuzzy with daydreams, and go home thinking, _yeah, one day, something'll happen, change, I'll get there, it's gonna be different, you'll see_.

If I'm honest – I want to believe. I used to believe.

I just have this terrible sense – why is it terrible, why do I feel forced, why isn't it _real_ – that that's how things are_ meant_ to be?

Maybe that's why I feel trapped.

"_We're still going to talk, you know."_

"_I know."_

Bell goes again and everyone stands up at once, me a second later. No idea what lesson is next, just traipse along out the door behind everyone. Ignore Teach's puppy dogs eyes cos they make me feel guilty, god knows why.

"_It's Math." _

"_Shit."_

Sayaka slows down til she's walking next to me. The rest trundle along ahead, only a few curious looks behind.

"I'm glad you came in today." Sayaka says (out loud), smiles. Can see the big dark bags under her eyes, those lines, the worrying, bit of a hard stare, but she means this smile. I know it. Make my own attempt back.

"I'm glad you're glad. I'm just tired."

"Oh, come on now." She slaps my back. Hand stays there a couple of seconds. "You like math, don't you?"

"Hate it."

She giggles. We're coming up to the door. Getting a few backwards glances. Teacher (floppy hair, glasses, what was his name?) raises an eyebrow when he sees me but says nothing, thank god.

"Well, good luck. See you at break, ok?"

And with that she pops along to her seat, leaving me to try and remember where I actually sit. Used to skip this class even when I bothered to turn up regular, so I set up camp on the back row. Kid following me looks like they want to say something, probably their seat, but I give them the evil eye and they think better of it, so I settle in for the long wait.

'_We're still going to talk'_, she says. Obviously I don't want the drama, don't want to have to explain, I'd rather just let it rest and get on with our lives, but….

More than that, I guess I just wanna talk to Sayaka. No walls up. Tell her how I feel about ….all this. Why I'm doing stupid things. Just talk shit at her. We used to be able to do that. Not like we can't now. We just _don't. _

But we should.

I'm not naïve. I'm not like Mami, wanting to get along for the sake of getting along. But…

I want to try and make things right.

Break's about an hour away. Time to knuckle down. And by knuckle down I mean doodle, play with my hair, stare out the window at the big tall towers of glass reflecting the sun straight into my eyes, watch the clouds chase each other by.

* * *

About half an hour in, I see Sayaka start, accept the note being passed to her. I want to reach out, say something like, _"oh, secret admirer?",_ but I'm curious, and like an idiot I watch her read it, and then look over to the left, and Kamijou, limp-dick bastard, just ignores it or doesn't even notice.

But sat behind him is that princess friend of hers, Shizuki Hitomi, seaweed girl, and she notices, alright.

* * *

**AN:**

Hey all. How we all doing. Thanks for reading, I keep checking my views like a proper sad act, but every time it goes up I'm happy. If you're feeling this is all a bit Waiting for Godot, Godot will be arriving, and soon. I dropped some references to poorfag-chan and failurefag because I spend too much time on Madoka shitposting pages on fb.

Reviews!

K. **Azecrath**. My consistent reviewer. I appreciate your honesty, I think I'll go back and try and clarify the whole flashback business. Regarding being post episode 12, one of the cruxes here is _when the characters perceive things to be_. This will become more evident later but I think I may go back and seed more clues regarding the setting being post-Rebellion for the sake of the reader. I'm glad you liked it otherwise! Thank you once again.

**Nobless Oblige**. Fantastic username I have to say, there a story behind that? Loving your impressions of the fic, never thought I'd be crafty enough to write a mystery! (Plus awkward noir needs to be a new genre). Mami has been difficult for me to write for sure so first person might have been a bit much, but Sayaka has definitely posed the most problems (although perhaps you can tell from the above chapter? Lol). Thanks for you review.

**Guest 3** – thanks dude, much appreciated.


	5. La Foule

**5\. La foule**

Feel like I'm in Twilight Zone here trying not to nod off but also pretending to be busy making notes on all this X Y garble, kid next to me keeps glancing over so I draw a nice big cock for him on the side of the page and go back to doodling monsters and some badass warrior chick with a spear and size E cans. A girl can dream.

Teach claps his hands. Winding up. People look like they're waking up from a math coma, pretty sure that one kid who was asleep in homeroom drifted off again. Seen him in the other _other_ bus queue with that girl in our class and 2 or 3 others. Bet you anything they'll be going back to the group home which is where I should probably be, but Kyubey or someone fixed it in the records and no one gives me any shit. Just give me the look now and again like I'm the red-headed step-child.

The bell finally, finally goes off.

Let's do this.

I pretty much spring out my chair, try catch Sayaka's eye, but she turns and books it straight out, not a word to anybody, gone in a flash. Gets a few looks. I stand there like a lemon. Think she picks up on it.

"_Sorry, we'll talk at lunch. Just got something I need to do."_ She throws back. Even in her head she can't make it sound chipper.

"…_.you ok?" _

"_Oh yeah, I'm fine."_

Don't reckon that's worth a response so I pick up my bag and slouch out. Teacher's very very busy trying to find something in the desk drawer and not-seeing-anything-or-anybody-but-especially-not-me. Guess I'll go mooch outside if I have time.

And then I hear the little cough.

You ever meet someone and just feel that there's this _wall_?

Not like or dislike or anything. Maybe you don't even know their name. Never met before. Then they speak or you speak, or turn away or offer their hand. And you look at each other and think, _I don't get you, I don't know what I think about you, I don't know how we're meant to talk_. Two kinds of animal that aren't meant to meet. Elephant and a dinosaur or something.

Exhibit A, Shizuki Hitomi.

She's stood there, usually tall as me (ok, nearly, I've grown and I'm a beanpole now and everyone knows it) but her head's a little bowed.

"Miss Sakura." She says, nice and bright. Neat little politician's smile, like we've never spoken.

"Yeah?" I turn to face her properly. "What's up?"

There's a pause. _No, Kyouko, see, you should've smiled back. Should be tilting your head a little, say something like good day, how are you? How are things? What the hell is that messed up that you're actually gonna come up to me and try have a conversation, what's the odds it's to do with Sayaka running out like her ass is on fire, and by the way, isn't it just lovely outside?_

She puts her hands up. "Oh, nothing, really…I just wondered if I could speak to you for a moment?"

_Ugh_. I nod at her.

"If you like. Here?"

"If we could…."

She tilts her head towards the stairwell at the end of the corridor which no one uses because why would you, when there's a lift? I nod again and we walk along in silence. I sneak a few peeks sideways.

It's weird. I don't dislike her.

I should.

She's the proper princess, whole nine-yards. Daddy has his name slapped on a company building. Mother dearest signs her up to every class under the sun suitable for a _young lady of her background_ so the _young lady_ is out the house most of the day and she can get on with fucking the poolboy or martinis at sunrise or whatever it is people like that do with themselves. Got a family. A pedigree. Rich _and_ got class. Could probably have a little circlejerk of bitchy _young lady_ friends hanging off every word.

But she doesn't. She gets on with Sayaka with her salaryman dad from podunk-nowhere just fine (even after all that bullshit with Kamijou). Polite to me. She got on with Kaname, normal as a kid could be, just fine. Before she disappeared.

Maybe it's cos she was one of the ones who didn't seem to _forget_ after a month and go back to the bullshit merry-go-round of boys and gossip and magazines. She even seemed a bit put out by Akemi pissing off even though Akemi probably didn't have a clue who she was.

She's….nice. She's ok.

But I just dunno how to talk to her.

We get to the stairwell, door swinging closed behind us, glass wall at the end making it bright and hot and stuffy as hell. I lean against the cool painted concrete, pull the toast out my bag, unfold the napkin and peel the crusts off, eat those first. Hitomi stands with her hands clasped in front of her, looking lost. I let her sweat it a bit. I'm kind of sweating it.

"You're….Sayaka's friend, aren't you?" She says.

"Sure." _You know that, we've sat at the lunch table enough times_. She's reminding me.

"I'm sorry to bother you with this…"

Great. So what's it going to be? Sayaka got a B in her science test? Sayaka isn't eating right? Assisted dating? Sayaka's gone mad and she thinks she's got some kind of magic powers and she's got to fight the legions of despair, all Book of Revelations and shit? That would be so awkward. I dunno what Kyubey does to keep his working girls quiet but I bet it's something along the lines of _snitches get stitches_.

"Go on." I say. Trying not to sound like I'm saying _get on with it_. Which I am.

"I'm worried about Sayaka. To tell the truth, I think teacher is too." She makes a small, limp gesture with her hands. "I don't mean to pry in any way, but she's been so different, distancing herself from everybody, and she always seems so _tired_…"

I realise she's waiting for some kind of response out of me. This is a roundabout way of saying _spill it_. I grunt, then remember to mind my Ps and Qs.

"That _is_ worrying." I say. Like we're two old ladies talking about a wayward grandkid. _Yeah_, I think, _you'd be tired if you were out til 1am doing somersaults and backflips and slicing up monsters for love and justice and all that shit._

What's the right response here? _Don't worry about it, she's just smoking a lot of green at the moment, on the plus side she's super chilled right now. She just has a degenerative disease that stops her talking to nosy people, really sad. _I just stare her out instead, nice blank expression, the one I show cops and security guards.

Eventually she nods, but she's frowning. That wasn't the response she was looking for. I'm a crap liar and she knows I know something. She's right, but she's way too polite to call me out on it.

After a few seconds she says, "I'd like to be there for her if I can, you know? Not just me. Kyo—Kamijou, he's worried too."

What's that little flicker in her eyes?

"I hear you." I say. Got to fob her off somehow, but I'm kind of intrigued. "I can talk to her." _There's no way I'm going to talk to her about this. _

"If you wouldn't mind, I'd very much appreciate it. I've tried, but she seems quite distracted at the moment. And Kamijou, he—"

Just as she says _Kamijou_, right then, there it is. That little look. That flicker.

So there _is_ something about Shizuki Hitomi I understand.

"I get it." I say. "I'll talk to her. Try and get her to open up a bit."

"Thank you." Simple. She breathes out as she says it. Doesn't seem to mind getting cut off. Relieved.

"Don't mention it. I'm not making any promises." I peel myself off the wall. Want some fresh air. I'm no good at this sort-of-lying-but-not crap. Omission. Saving face. Seems to have worked for now though.

"I'm gonna head up." I say.

"Well then, I'll see you in class." She does a half-bow head bob thing which I don't do back.

"See you."

I turn and jog up the stairs, hear the door click shut behind me. Roof's three flights up. No one comes up this way, fire exit popping out onto the far end away from the benches.

_Kamijou_, she says, _Kamijou_. And that note. Guess I'd be worried if I were her. But Sayaka doesn't talk about it much anymore. Me and Mami thought she was over it, mostly. _But, but, but…._

Fresh air. Just want some fresh air. Clear my head.

Glass front stops at the floor below the roof. Cooler in here, just one window high up. There's a funny feeling in my stomach. Not the _hunger_ feeling. The other one. Could just crack it open and sit in here out of the sun. But I wanna get outside.

I give the door a little push.

That bench I slept on is at the far end. There's people sat there, two people, backs turned. Sweet little breeze ruffling their hair. Blue and brown. I know I need to look away. But here I am with my fingers digging into the doorframe.

He's stiff-backed as a board. She's got her hand on the side of his face, pulling him in, _mine, mine, mine_. And after a minute, he leans in too.

And they kiss.

_What the fuck._

Do I want to say something?

I don't.

So I let the door click shut behind me, sit my ass down. Can see down a floor, through that glass front, outside. We're high up here. Big shiny city of lights. I just sit. Don't think. My eyes start to water. I have to look away.

I get up, walk back down the stairs, take my time, slapping my palm down on the rail as I go, making it shudder. It hurts my hand. Don't stop though.

_It's her life, she can do what she wants._

It's not my business.

But it _is,_ though, she's my best friend. And this is bullshit. It won't end well. Thought she was past this. It was bad at the beginning, really bad. Mami was really worried. I was worried. Even Akemi, in a number-crunching _ratio of magical girls to hordes of despair_ kind of way. She should never have made that wish. But I'm not one to talk. Maybe that's why I'm so pissed.

Or maybe it just because she didn't tell me. Can't have been just now. She had to have seen this coming. She was over it. I'm sure. Has to have been simmering a while.

_I've been simmering for a while too. _

It's stupid to take this personally. Even stupider to feel –

Well, I guess like Hitomi did. Does. That flicker.

_Jealous_.

The bell goes again. Doesn't make me so happy this time. For some reason. But at least it gets me out my head. Til lunch, anyway.

Til we talk.

* * *

**AN:** Bit shorter, this one. Although I might come back later and chop the whole thing and work it into a concise flashback. Lol. Thought we'd have some content for now anyway. We're getting somewhere. I start work full time tomorrow which is tricky because my optimum creative conditions are alone at 1am in a dark room, drunk. I'll keep going with this, though. I want shit to go down big style in this story pretty soon.

Reviews!

OFWGKTA: thank you for your very kind words, appreciate it. Glad you're enjoying.

Azecrath: Many thanks once again. Yep that was a grammar error, sorted it, good spot. I popped the dreams in because of her unfortunate fall in chappy 2 before Mami pulled a Spiderman. But they could be important…who knows! (I may totally run with that). Hope you're enjoying.


	6. Spiralling

**6\. Spiralling**

I yank that big bow from round my neck, toss it, sweater off, pop the top three buttons on my blouse, trainers off, socks off, curl my toes into the cool grass, flat on my back, look up into a perfect blue sky, then bang my fist into the ground, again and again. Don't care if someone walking on the path sees me with my bare feet and my skirt hiked up. None of their business. I hear something and think it's maybe the school bell for the end of lunch, but does it matter? Am I gonna go back?

I rest my head on my arms, look down at the water. If I could just stay here, by myself, sunbathing on a sloping riverbank in the middle of a hot day, not thinking about anything, I'd be ok (although there's a little bit of a fresh chill now and again. Giving me the shivers. Nothing much). Be sloppy. Be free. Breathe.

_Why didn't I say it?_

It's no good. I can still see Sayaka now, sat next to me, knees to her chest, staring out, taking a deep breath. And I'm replaying those words over and over, thinking of a smartass comment or something I could've said to make her melt into my arms or whatever. Thinking about why I didn't tell her she lied to me too.

_So_, she said, _about the other night._

And I close my eyes and go through it again.

* * *

_So_, _about the other night_. _Why didn't you tell me?_

_Tell you what?_

_You know what. Don't play dumb. _

…_.I'm sorry. I know I should have said something. _

_No. Sorry, but no. Why? How did you even get into that situation?_

_I…..look, it's not like I went out looking for shit, it was just something stupid that got out of hand, like I said, I should've said something, but I kind of thought it wasn't worth—_

_Kyouko._

_Ugh. I said I'm sorry, Sayaka. Can't you just drop it?_

Kyouko.

_Ok. Fine. You know what, some guy grabbed my ass and I smacked him one. I told you that before. And then his buddies cornered me. I didn't think one of them would have a knife. But he did. It's fine, I got out of there. I just, it wasn't even that bad, just unlucky. It won't happen again. I just didn't want you to worry, so… _

_Someone _cut_ you! How can you say it wasn't that bad? He could have stabbed you! That's not nothing, Kyouko, and don't give me all that stu— all that _shit_, about not wanting me to worry, you think I prefer finding out about it after you nearly died? I thought….I thought…. _

_Sayaka—_

_I want you to _talk_ to me. I'm not some delicate flower, I can handle it. Please. Tell me stuff like this. Come on, if anyone should be honest with each other it's us three, right? _

_Sayaka, I…._

_What?_

_Did something—_

* * *

I can't.

I'm on my feet with my shoes in my hand and want to chuck them in the water so bad but can't afford to. So I grab my shit, and walk barefoot back up the bank to the path. Gravel's hot as fuck under my feet so I put the trainers on after all. Start walking towards….well, away from the school, basically.

Blood's up. Hard to explain. Think all this time fighting means that when I get annoyed or scared I just wanna lash out. Those kind of...instincts, or whatever, they're good when you're trying to mow down wraiths and not get ripped in two. Not so good when you're a teenage schoolgirl trying to figure out how to live a normal life. Doesn't stop my heart pounding. Me looking at everyone passing by, waiting for them to say something, give me side-eye, maybe even grab my ass and give me the perfect excuse to let it all out in one punch. Like before. Only way I'll feel better right away that I know.

Ok. Maybe there's one more.

I feel the old temptation come back up. I'm hungry. I'm broke. I'm pissed off. And I've got a private school uniform. The perfect disguise. Cutting class doesn't do anything for me anymore. But I know what will.

(There's something making the hairs prickle on the back of my neck. It's nothing. Probably.)

There's a 7-11 I haven't hit it for at least a few weeks about 15 minutes' walk away. Near the usual arcade. I start the trek. Won't pop the uniform back on til I have to. Don't wanna run into any teachers or well-meaning cops. Avoid eye contact, don't look at the pavement, even pace. That's how to be ignored. Means I can let my mind wander. But not back to Sayaka. That needs to come later. I need to cool my head.

I think about what I'm gonna do. What I've done a lot of times before.

When did I first gank something?

I was young. It was an apple. Nipped it off the end of a fruit stand, seller none the wiser. Mom gave me a good slap for that one. Big swollen bruise like a gumball on my jaw. She was just looking out for me though. I reckon. No. That wasn't the first time. Just the first time I got caught. Made sure I didn't after that.

I had a good thing going in Kazamino. Some other kids to run with. Course they took everything I stole half the time but I learned.

I've got some guys round here I run with too. Bit round the arcade I hang out in is called 5 Block (even the bits that aren't technically block 5). So they just call themselves that if anyone asks. Top guy is called Takehisa. Cocky prick, but at least they know I don't play and no one rips me off. Not like those wannabees over at—what was that place called?—Game Yard, something cheap like that, where I got my ass grabbed by that blonde asshole and ended up getting slashed for my trouble. Whatever. There's a bowling alley near the northern quarter I've been meaning to go check out. Hear they have a few machines. No big loss. Something to do more than anything. Plus people drop change. And if they win they're more likely to drop a few coins your way on the way out (for the busfare, a sandwich, to use the payphone, just to get you out of their faces, any excuse works). Or at least you know whose wallet to swoop.

Takes me back. So I, what's the word, _reminisce_.

And in no time I'm outside the store. I've pulled the bow back on, buttoned up my shirt, but pull my hoody on rather than the sweater. Keep it with me for special occasions. Let's do this.

The door pings as I step through.

* * *

Old guy on the till, leaning back into his chair. Big, heavy brows. Looks up from his paper as I trudge to the chill counters and then down the aisle. I remember there's a camera pointing right down here from last time but pick up some onigiri anyhow. Old guy had the monitor facing him. Probably watching. I'm making my plan. Heart starting to beat a bit faster. Still don't know what happens when I eventually get caught. Probably just run. Still, he could easy block off the exit. Built like a brick shithouse. Then what would I do? No, focus.

The door pings again.

Time to hurry.

Next aisle is bread. Don't need that. Aisle after that I wanna be in. There's a guy in a suit coming this way. Gives me a wary look when I glance at him. Definitely the type to grass me up if he sees anything. I double back and he passes by. Right. Snacks. He goes past over to the booze. Early in the day I reckon, but we've all got a vice. Don't I know it.

I wait and hear his nice shoes snap against the floor, over to the till. Going to pay. Old guy sits up, puts his paper down. Watches him. Now.

Pocky. Want that. Instant ramen. Peanuts. Candy. Don't need to go to crazy. He's not watching so I grab two boxes and a packet. But then – I dunno, I'm sweating a bit, but I've got this excited feeling in my stomach, all anxious and nerves jangling but _excited_. Like when some guy comes rampaging at you and you know he could take your head off with one punch if he gets you but you're ready, one foot facing him, other pointed to side, bouncing, hands up, ready with a kick that's going to crack him straight in the balls or the fist to drive in the stomach, he's bigger and nastier and could take you out, but you _want_ this, it's what you know, what you're good at, and you can do anything.

I grab more an armful. I don't have enough money to cover this. If I get caught I'm fucked. _Fucked_. But I can do it. Just stashing it.

I go to the top of the aisle where there's a camera but the cashier can't see me. I tuck myself behind a display stand, head still visible, but everything below chest height hidden, shove most of it in an inside pocket, some of it just loose in the lining, zip up, couple of things in my schoolbag under my sweater. Doesn't take more than a few secs.

Then the door pings again, and it's my turn.

Everything seems so slow. Got to keep my face still. Taken too much. No chance to dump it. But I have to go now before he gets suspicious. I come down the aisle and see he was waiting for me to come back out. He's got a serious face, probably not always been a cashier in a combini, very close cropped hair, straight back, and for a second I think he can just see right through me. But I've got to keep going.

"These, please."

I put the onigiri and a chocolate bar down on the counter light as I can. His palms stay flat on the surface. He's watching. Says nothing. Stretches it out. His eyes don't move but he's searching me. Can feel it.

_Ok. I am 'a normal teenage girl with a clear conscience', and some old guy is giving me the evils. _

I dip my chin and raise my eyebrows a little bit. _Wary_. Not guilty. Being hardfaced is a giveaway. Being nervous is a giveaway. Should I say something? Is my voice gonna be ok? Am I normally this worried? Hot sweat breaks out in the small of my back.

His hands move, big hard crooked hands like crabs, and he types in the numbers on the barcodes with one finger, but keeps looking up at me. He knows I'm worried. I pull out my phone and flick at it a bit though I can't see fuck all with the screen so cracked. Mainly so I don't have to look back into his eyes so he can see me lying.

_Like I saw Sayaka—_

_-stop it. _

The total comes up on the till but still he doesn't say anything. I ever so carefully put my phone in my skirt pocket and pull out my few coins. Is this a test? Is he waiting for me to walk out first? I put them down instead of into his palm – have this sudden feeling my hands will shake and that'll be it – mutter my thanks, and turn away.

"Young lady." Deep, raspy voice.

_Fuck_.

"Yeah?" I say. Can't stop myself looking on edge this time. My mind's going _run, run, run._ Bet there's a something poking out at an angle. Dead giveaway. Fuck. I'm better than this. He frowns. I scowl back. _Come on. Say something_. I can't play the nice girl. Doesn't fit my face.

He says, "Shouldn't you be at school?"

_Shouldn't you be at school._

Not, _put those back or I'll call the police._

Not, _could you show me what you've got in your jumper please._

"I, uh….so what if I'm not?" I tilt my chin up, but I'm still relived. Better not to show it. He'll probably go on some rant about _kids today_ and I'll probably flip him off and get barred.

Definitely don't expect him to smile, but he does. Somehow it makes him look scarier.

"Aren't you worried I'll ring them up?"

"Not really." I'm not, either.

He shakes his head. "You should be."

"Yeah, well, I've got other stuff going on right now."

And then he says, "I used to be like you."

I wait, but he doesn't say anymore, just sighs. An old man with long white scars on his knuckles, military haircut, working in a tiny 7-11 in the middle of day, getting stolen from, selling booze to office bods on their lunches to get them through. But he's got the _eyes_. No matter how normal you look it's the eyes that give it away.

"Sorry", I say. Not sure why.

(I'm worry I might look like that one day).

He looks serious again. But I'm off the hook. He waves me off with one hand, then picks up his paper. Doesn't say 'thanks for your custom' but that's fine with me. Have this weird idea we've got something in common.

"See you." I say.

I got what I came for, it's a sunny day, and I'm buzzing as I step outside.

And that buzzing feels loops right back to an icy jerk as I see who's standing across the road from me.

* * *

It's that blonde asshole. And this time he's got a bust nose and hell of a shiner and he's looking at me and me at him. He's leaning against a shopfront but pulls himself away. Is this a coincidence? Was he waiting for me? I suck my teeth and walk down the street as if he doesn't exist, but then he starts to walk too, in the same direction. Never saw him round here before. Wonder if Takehisa and the rest know he's here.

He crosses over behind me and I turn, wait for him to come. Fold my arms.

"Back for more?"

"Nah."

I shrug. "Don't waste my time then."

"You put my friend in the hospital."

I shrug again.

"You kicked him in the head." He says.

He must mean the one at the end of the alley. I had to get out. I didn't think I'd put him in hospital but it was him or me. Especially because some guy was gonna gut me like a fish if I didn't.

"Yeah, well, your other friend stabbed me." I point out.

"Yeah, well, you look fine to me, bitch."

"Fuck off." I unfold my arms, square up. I'm taller than him. "What do you gonna do about it?"

People are giving us a wide berth. Blondie smiles. He's missing a tooth or two.

"I know your name. It's Kyouko, isn't it?"

"No." I say.

_Oh, shit._

"And you go to that posh school." He spits. "Stuck-up bitch."

"Dunno what you're talking about."

He goes red, looks like he wants to come at me, but he knows I'll box him down. I'm playing it cool but it's rattled me a bit. Got to watch my back as a normal now too? Trouble. More trouble. More stuff to hide.

_You just spoke to Sayaka about this._

_No, no, no, not the time._

I want to take my hoodie off but can't. Sweat pricking under my arms and at my waistband. Great. More shit. On top of, I dunno, killing wraiths so people like this little _fucker_ can keep living their shitty little lives. I've got to stop thinking like this but today's just really got to me and I'm starting to get mad.

(Is it something in the air? Keep getting these shivers. Feel familiar somehow).

He lowers his voice. "You better watch your back."

"Went sowell last time, didn't it?"

"Fuck you. I'm gonna find you. I'm gonna find out where you live." He takes a big breath and pulls out the big gun. "Where your _mom_ lives. Sort her too, yeah?"

I laugh. Can't help it. "Good luck with that. You find her, let me know."

"Oh what, she don't want you? Can see why." He looks me up and down, eyes linger on my no-tits-to-speak-of until I want to break his nose a second time. It's rising up, like fire in my stomach, making my fists clench, feet twitching, just wanna do it, smash his lights in, someone's lights in. Can't stop it.

"She's dead." I say. "And if you come for me, you might be too."

He spits again, scoffs, but I stare him straight in the eyes, hold it, because—because I feel so—

_-Sayaka, tears in her eyes again, telling me to be honest, we shouldn't have secrets, and I asked her, straight on, did something happen, and she paused, thought she would say it, tell me, and then I could tell her, about feeling trapped, wanting to believe again, about Hitomi and how I felt it too, things I don't even wanna tell myself, everything, if she would just say it out loud, break down the wall, take one word, and then she smiled, and said, Kyouko, nothing happened, I just had to speak to someone, I watched her face as she said it, and my chest got so tight and I didn't say any of that stuff, not even that I saw them, and I felt, I feel, so fucking_—

-I feel like I _could_ do it, if I had to.

He knows. He sees it.

"Get out of here." I say again, then turn my back and walk away. He mumbles something behind me but I don't hear and I don't care. There's a corner of a box or something poking me in the ribs. Need to offload all this stuff. Punch a cushion or something.

_Tick. Swish. _

I find my feet picking up speed as I head out of Block 5. Feel almost like something's pulling me. Like I have to hurry. That breeze again. Another. Stronger. Closer together. Akemi's house. That's where I'm going.

Least there's someone I can talk to there. Really, actually talk to. Or at. Even when Akemi was awake she'd just sit and look at you with those search-beam eyes and she'd tell you you're being an idiot or whatever, shrug, or even sit and say fuck all but she'd never, ever lie. And she'd _listen_.

You know what? Looking back, I'm starting to see stuff I never did before. Just thought she was a stone cold bitch who might occasionally give you the time of day if she was bored. But before her and that Kaname kid stopped talking, she was different. We all even used to go get food together, the four of us. Just something quick before going out hunting. Course I was all eyes on Sayaka then, like always, but…I dunno. Just remember Akemi sat at the end of the table. Watching the rest of us. I used to think—it sounds stupid but I just thought she was _shy_.

And then her and Kaname stopped talking, and she changed into some kind of fucking avenging angel. Stopped coming to school. Stopped giving a shit about normals getting in the way. Stopped everything but being a magical girl. Started blowing up buildings. It all went to shit. Everything. The wraiths, Akemi, the 3 of us….and then she fell out the sky and Kaname disappeared and Sayaka kind of just _broke_ and me and Mami picked up the pieces and now we're all kind of shambling along like it's all ok, but it isn't.

(Something's prickling under my skin.)

I speed up to a jog. I stop thinking. Just go. Wanna get out of here. Want things to be different. Just want to run. Something to change. Anything.

_I wish Akemi would wake up. _

I realise I've just said it out loud. Shock myself. Some old lady looks at me like I'm mental.

I dunno why I do it. I just call out in my head.

"_Hello?"_

And I get back, not words, but like a long deep breath, and a flash of purple in my mind.

'_You'll know'_, that damn cat said, before he slunk away, went all quiet, '_you'll be able to tell when'._ Didn't believe it after a while. Got my hopes up. But nothing changed. Just these little flares of energy. And Akemi sleeps and might as well be dead.

Fuck it. This is different. I can feel it. _I know._

I run.

* * *

**AN: **Hey. Hope you're enjoying the fic so far.

We're about to get into the fun bit, hopefully. Kek. I feel like there's a more elegant way I could've achieved it and will probs go back and hack this chappy to bits but like last time, let's just have content for now and crack on. I've redrafted a wee bit for earlier chappys so some rough edges should be less…rough.

If you guys have suggestions or things that could be done better please let me know. Could really use the feedback as I haven't got a beta or any mates who are weebs or fanfic readers (could sure use some of those). Pretty please.

So. Reviews!

**Kayceenorth**: Thanks man, sense of mystery covers a multitude of sins eh? Lol. Glad you're enjoying.

**Yobbin**: Cheers man. Mucho appreciado. God bless Sayaka, eh? What her good end looks like I don't know. But I won't be awful to the poor girl. (much).

**Azecrath:** You are a complete gem. I went back and tried to dial it down a tad with Kyouko being so arsey so suddenly. I'm trying more for a slow build-up of teen angst/post traumatic magical girl disorder rather than sudden gouts of vitriol. I'm hoping to be able to chug along a bit faster to the inevitable multi-girl meltdown. Thanks again.


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